Janelle Hanchett

I am a woman. Thirty-one years old with three children: Ava, 9, Rocket, 5, and Georgia, 6 months. I am married to Mac, my best friend and partner in crime for the last 10 years. We are an erratic offbeat family with big ideas and inevitably poor execution. We like to go to the beach on a whim, even though it's 2 hours away. We take our kids to bluegrass festivals and dance dance dance. We like rock and roll. Sometimes our boy wears pink. Sometimes I yell and scream and act like a really bad mom. Sometimes I'm freaking great. We're just a family.

Web Site: http://www.renegademothering.com


Batter my heart, I guess.

Dec 5, 2016
Batter my heart, I guess.

I don’t want this to be our new reality. I do not want to continue in a world in which each of my four children grow up with the reality that their great-grandmother was killed by a beloved family member after eating Chinese take-out. I do not want this unfairness. I do not want...

I did not know it felt like this.

Nov 16, 2016
I did not know it felt like this.

Three days before my grandmother was killed by her mentally ill grandson, we stood together in Costco, perusing books. “Tell me if we’re in a hurry, because I’m just hanging out,” she said. “We are in no hurry, grandma. No hurry at all.” No hurry at all. If I could do it again, I...

Male birth control. Or, stop being a whiney-ass baby.

Nov 1, 2016
Male birth control. Or, stop being a whiney-ass baby.

I have a little story for the men who couldn’t handle the side effects of a new, effective male birth control shot, and the doctors who canceled the study because 3% of the men complained of the very side effects 30% – that’s THIRTY FUCKING PERCENT – of women taking birth control experience daily....

Dear children: Please stop tormenting baby animals and the rest of the humans, thanks.

Oct 24, 2016
Dear children: Please stop tormenting baby animals and the rest of the humans, thanks.

One of the main reasons I started this blog is because every time I go anywhere with the standard human population, I feel at times like an alien, particularly among other parents and their kids. Parents seem way more into this than I am, and their kids kind of seem like dicks. In general. Sorry,...

Family vacations are bullshit and I can’t wait until the next one.

Oct 19, 2016
Family vacations are bullshit and I can’t wait until the next one.

There is a point in every family vacation when I begin referring to my children as “Poor Life Choice Number 1, 2, 3, and 4.” Not to their faces, obviously. That would be mean. I did however refer to my older kids and nieces and nephews as “SLAs,” which stands for “slightly less annoying” (than the younger...

A message from your friendly neighborhood Trump supporter

Sep 27, 2016
A message from your friendly neighborhood Trump supporter

It confuses me that Donald Trump is getting such a bad rap. I’m voting for him.* And I’m going to explain why. I’m voting for Trump because I’m hoping for a fascist state. At least I think I am. I just want everybody of the Muslim nationality to wear patches and get into camps....

The good news is I made it to back-to-school night

Sep 19, 2016
The good news is I made it to back-to-school night

The good news is, I made it to back-to-school night. I am happy to report that after 14 years, 10 months as a mother, I have figured out how to read school calendars and not miss important events like “paper parades” – HEY BTDUBS WHY CAN’T WE USE THE INTERNET FOR ALL THAT PAPERWORK...

What if I asked you to rethink the “low” kids?

Sep 12, 2016
What if I asked you to rethink the “low” kids?

Growing up, I understood that there were two groups of students: The smart ones and the dumb ones. The ones who couldn’t sit still, who fidgeted, who “got in trouble a lot,” who got “bad” grades, who the teachers didn’t like – they were the dumb ones. Maybe it was their fault. Maybe not. Who...

21 things standing between me and “reasonable bedtimes”

Aug 31, 2016
21 things standing between me and “reasonable bedtimes”

Last week a super handy chart took its 10,000 laps around the internet and I once again realized either: a.) The whole fucking parenting world is batshit; or b.) I am worse at this than formerly thought. You see, the chart in question outlines the times a kid should go to bed based on age...

You are not your fucking minivan

Aug 16, 2016
You are not your fucking minivan

We needed a new car. We drove a 2007 Expedition until it had 193,000 miles, a giant dent in the back, 159 smaller dents, ripped interior seats, broken visors, and an overwhelming scent of something. At this point, your guess is as good as mine. Our decision to buy the Expedition was mostly about...

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